"The twinkle of mirth is needed on earth in many a situation
in which mankind find themselves. A happy, confident approach
to any situation, even what appears to be quite a serious one,
is of tremendous assistance to all concerned in bringing about
a divinely just and satisfactory resolution thereof.
"To possess a good sense of
humor is to be greatly blessed; but if you are not so naturally
blessed, you can always call to any of us and we shall be oh,
so grateful for that call which will enable us to give you the
sense of humor that is so much a part of the consciousness of
the ascended host.
"Unaccountability is a word that does
not apply to mans use of Gods life. Everyone is always
accountable to the cosmic law for the release of his energy (life)
through his thought, feeling, spoken word and deed."
"You must absolutely know that I have put my life on the
line for this activity. Why, beloved, I have given so much to
this activity and to all of you that I could not even pull out
if I wanted to.
"Now, this is a joke, beloved. And
I wish you to understand that it is a joke. It is absolutely true!
And the joke is on me. For you see, this does not mean that you
have the Guru by the tail or that you are indispensable chelas.
But it does mean that I have plighted my troth to you, and I am
determined to stay until this entire matter is through. And I
tell you that one way or another it shall be through! [21-second
applause] And since I am not through with you and you are not
through with me, then we know who is going to be through."
"A 'twinkle of mirth,' a fount of beauty and culture, all
provide rich rewards which help to draw you closer to one another
and closer into your personal orbit of divine destiny. We love
surroundings of harmony, beauty and graciousness as do the blessed
angels, so long as it is not accompanied by the conceit of the
outer ego. Opulence is good, but let it be a divine opulenceequally
flooding your world with balanced graciousness. Make your 'home
sweet homes' on earth focuses of Loves eternal home above.
You can you know!
"The body temple is likewise the 'home of
your soul'which though sometimes 'bone weary' from many
cramping embodiments still reaches out like a lost child to its
own God Presence with indescribable longings and travail, until
it is at last set free in God-victory over all circumstance. The
mind, too, should be a garnished abode swept free of old and dusty
furnishings or of despondent thoughts and abounding instead with
the architecture of constructivismthe fiat of the new age!
"Now the home of your memory (your etheric
body) should likewise be completely renovated, becoming far more
noble than them all, embracing and holding the whole together
in divine love for therein is stored 'whatsoever you presently
think, have ever thought, whatsoever you now do or have ever done;
now experience or have ever experienced.' Only through the transmuting
violet fire of freedoms love can you make it a home of love
wherein God abides. Qualify your homes, then, only with love and
you cannot failall will then be 'home sweet homes of light.'
"Dear hearts and gentle people, forget not to brighten the
corner of earth or heaven where you are! Know that I love the
old tune that says of 'Old Ireland' (Our land)'A little
bit of heaven fell to earth one day' and I wish a great deal of
the charm of my home in Darjeeling to fall from the hands of your
very own God Presence right into your world now, making you happy,
peaceful and diligent. Nothing can long deter youmay you
therefore faithfully attain your own Christ victory as we have.
Being free from earthly impediments and obscurities you will then
in even a grander manner assist us in that marvelous service of
'bringing home the sheaves'which God has planted in such
hopewith songs of eternal rejoicing!
"May all the fire
and inspiration of your own God Presence unite with all my love
and the love of the entire Brotherhood at Darjeelingwhose
credo is 'I will'to show to you the God-revealed inner knowledge
of fohat (the sacred fire) which will make and keep you ever humble,
ever grateful and constantly in tune with us, drawing forth then
from Gods own heart not only passports to heavens
home sweet home, but brightening each of your present days with
the blessing of the sacred will of God which wants only to give
to all its own magnificent perfection now made manifest!"
"Thus I say, neglect not the hours. Fill them with joy! Joy
is the very first principle of the ascension. Take two individualsone
who fulfills his assignments without joy and one who fulfills
them with joy. The one without joy, beloved, may lose his ascension
for want of joy, and the (one with joy) may make it even though
some elements are lacking.
"Joy is the key to healing! Joy is movement!
Joy is life! Joy is self-attention to the needs of the four lower
bodies but not over-self-concern. Joy is the sense of committing
oneself to God and letting God flush out the nonjoy by that descending
cascade of the mighty river of Life.
" . . . So the words of Fulton Sheen
have been quoted in this court. And so he has also spoken of the
joy of the service of the Lord and the great sense of humor that
Jesus brought, that God himself contains, making not too much of
the unrealities of the world, not too much of the failures or the
successes but realizing that we pass through and nothing is permanent
here save the permanent relationship with God.
"Understanding the divine sense of humor
will make you able to deal with the most difficult karmic circumstances,
the most deadly intent of the fallen ones. As the LORD holds them
in derision, may you also hold them in derision. And may your
joy be such a consciousness of the Sacred Heart of Jesus that
you can meet friend or foe with the same light and lilt, for you
have the co-measurement of the joy of angels and the merriment
of God himself in the face of such a seriousness [as that] of
the unreality [of the fallen ones themselves].
"Blessed hearts, joy flames go out
when you are not in sync with your cycles on the staircase of
life. There [comes upon you] a frantic sense of urgency within.
You may connect it to outer responsibilities, burdens and debts,
or to not having enough time to do everything you want to do."
"Keepers of the Flame and students one and all, we are here!
And we are as the laughing Buddhas, for we come with the glorious,
buoyant flame of cosmic freedom.
"Oh, receive us, beloved hearts!
"Join us, then, oh, join us, beloved ones,
in the laughter of the Laughing Buddha, for I will tell you a
secret if you will now be seated. Yes, be seated in the lap of
the Buddha who has placed his Electronic Presence on your chair
as you have risen!
"This Laughing Buddha comes to tell you
a story, beloved, and it is this. As you have regarded [the records
of your life] and even seen [in your mind’s eye] films of
past moments of pain and hurt and abandonment, yes, of being bruised
and beaten at some level, so, beloved, you are in a position where
you have a trick or two that you can play on that force of doom
"For, you see, you can look at that place
and that record and you can say, 'I AM complete and whole. I have
no need to hang on to that record!'
"So just when the fallen ones think they
have locked you up as their prisoner and encased you in a record
in which you shall suffer eternally, you simply step out of that
mold in which they have cast youyou literally withdraw yourself
from that place. And they are left empty-handed, not knowing where
you have gone, for you have risen to levels of Light they cannot
"And then you laugh as you glance backward,
seeing that there is the vacant place, the place you once occupied
believing that someone or something could ultimately harm you
with some degree of permanence.
"Now you simply walk out of the mold. You
no longer need it as a part of identity, as a part of the combination
of your psychology. Yes, beloved, you walk away free in the laughter
of the Laughing Buddha; and you surely have that last laugh, for
you are liberated once and for all from that particular scene.
"And now you will go about leaping and praising
God and in the laughter that rings, the laughter of the Lord God
himself as he holds the fallen ones in derision and you also do
imitate his laughter.
"Therefore, beloved, let the laughter ring
forth, for you have understood, you have the key! Yes, now you
can walk right out of that old mold by the power of the Buddha
of the Ruby Ray and by the flame of Omri-Tas!
"Oh yes, beloved,
do not take so very long to let go, for this indeed is the key:
it is the cosmic laughter. Hear them all, the Buddhas and the
Bodhisattvas, for this laughter is your soul’s liberation.
Oh, rejoice, precious ones of God, for we are rejoicing with you!"
"How joyously men can chuckle even
when dark shadows cross their paths with the opacity of their
crusty nonsense. Men must learn to shatter bondage, to regard
it as an enemy, to see the clutching of the little self as a frightening
thing, for in one moment it could cause them to drown in the sea
of earthly perdition."
Understanding Yourself, IX
In Poland they ask, "What is three miles long and eats potatoes?"
The answer: A Polish meat queue.
There's a joke about a Russian woman who, tired of standing in line
for bread, turns and says, "I'm going to go and kill Andropov!"
to the horror of everyone else in line.
She comes back six hours later and, in answer to their question
"Well, what happened?" she says, "The line was too
"Listen," I interrupted, "what nationality are
"I'm English," she replied. "That is, I was born
in Poland, but my father is Irish."
"That makes you English?"
"Yes," she said . . .
|Henry Miller, Tropic of Cancer
Every society needs humor. There have been very few influential
humorists, as distinguished from
comedians, in American history. Mark Twain and Will Rogers are
the major ones, so is Dave Barry. We get a good one about once
per half century.
All three of them got laughs by making fun of
Fleas can be taught nearly anything that
a Congressman can.—Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you
were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.—Mark Twain
The taxpayers are sending congressmen on
expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep
coming back!—Will Rogers
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session
as when the baby gets hold
of a hammer.—Will Rogers
With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every
time they make a law it's a joke.—Will Rogers
The only way to get elected to Congress
is to raise a bunch of campaign money, and pretty much the only
way to do that is to already be a member of Congress.—Dave
Congress, after years of stalling, finally
got around to clearing the way for informal discussions that might
lead to possible formal talks that could potentially produce some
kind of tentative agreements.—Dave Barry
Congress shall also create a tax code weighing
more than the combined poundage of the largest
member of the House and the largest member of the Senate, plus
a standard musk ox.
The question is: What can we, as citizens,
do to reform our tax system? As you know, under our
three-branch system of government, the tax laws are created by
Satan. But he works through the
Congress, so that's where we must focus our efforts.
Here's my proposal, which is based on the
TV show "Survivor": We put the entire Congress on an
island. All the food on this island is locked inside a vault,
which can be opened only by an ordinary American taxpayer named
Bob. Every day, the congresspersons are given a section of the
Tax Code, which they must rewrite so that Bob can understand it.
If he can, he lets them eat that day; if he can't, he doesn't.
Or, he can give them food either way. It
doesn't matter. The main thing is, we never let them off the island.—Dave
This is great stuff. Fifty solemn editorials by pundits run in
300 newspapers each will not have the
impact of a line like this:
The only difference between death and taxes
is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.—Will
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated
the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow
and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long
and healthy lives.
Then using God's great
gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme
Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"
And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said,
"and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And
they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman
might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought
forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and
combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."
And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons
and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their
belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy
vegetables, and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan
brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it
needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol
went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake,
named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good."
Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that
His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable
TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing
the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering
blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally
low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the
healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried
them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume
fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created
McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You
want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super
size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And
Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.